Host: In the first days of these past three months, you sent me a message: “Bhairava is with me.” You had not told me what had happened. How do you understand this period?
Sadhaka: When you are in sadhana, two things happen. First, forces that have been living off you must leave your life. They resort to deception, making you feel that the deity and the sadhana are wrong for you. They bring circumstances that may turn you away from the path. This happened to me. I remained steadfast and kept faith, and the deity drew me out of those delusions of Mahamaya.
Second, you have to learn. If you never make mistakes, how will you learn? Everyone errs; Mahamaya makes people err. My mistake was small, a mistake of speech. People also make mistakes through action.
Ego, upheaval, and the opening of knowledge
Host: You spoke of ego death.
Sadhaka: Ego is self-identification: “I am,” “Who am I?”, “What have I done?”, “What can I do?” In that first week, those thoughts died. There was a threat of violence. I remembered a doha of Kabir that says, in essence, God can pull a single hair from your head and bring your ego down; God can bring an earthquake into your life. So humility matters. Three or four days earlier, everything had been fine. Then the earthquake came.
Life does not move in a straight line. Without challenges, we would learn nothing. A life that simply repeats itself brings little change. A sadhaka begins to acquire vidya, knowledge. As the eye of knowledge opens, the ten Mahavidyas begin to show their forms.
Sadhaka: The first stage is Kali: the Mahashunya, where everything is within you, but you have no conception and know nothing. Then Tara brings knowledge. Tripura Sundari develops the mind; Bhuvaneshwari brings aishwarya, prosperity. Bhairavi destroys the enemies around you. Then Dhumavati and the other goddesses of destruction, including Bagalamukhi, dismantle the empire you have built. Finally comes Kamala: great fortune and great knowledge.
These are stages in a sadhaka’s life. The sequence is not written idly. When you begin sadhana, a timeline begins with you. You are around the fifth Mahavidya now. You will be set right, as will the people around you, so that you are ready when Mahalakshmi comes: the eternal robe of the sadhaka, not a garment of cloth.
There is another telling of the sequence. Kali gives birth: when her gaze falls on you, you are reborn in tantra. Tara cuts the knots of past karma and gives knowledge. Tripura Sundari grants a beautiful form and mind; Bhuvaneshwari expands prosperity. Chhinnamasta destroys what you have learned and ends the ego. Bhairavi destroys what remains. Dhumavati brings destruction and revives you. Bagalamukhi removes what obstructs your becoming a successful sadhaka. Matangi restores the vidya lost when Chhinnamasta broke you. Kamala, Mahalakshmi, returns you to prosperity.
This is Garuda Yoga. Garuda dies and rises again: you rise high, fall, and rise once more. After that second rise, there is no further fall.
Error, devotion, and the measure of practice
Host: If a person has made a mistake, should they live in remorse?
Sadhaka: Even deities have stories in which pride and error appear. Anusuya’s chastity was so powerful she could carry water in her garments. The goddesses’ pride came forward, and the gods went to test Anusuya. She turned them into infants and kept them. The balance of the universe was disturbed; the goddesses came and asked forgiveness. The important thing is that you learned. Do not remain in remorse; move forward.
My sadhana has become what I call “bhakti on steroids”: I lose myself in it. I tell my students that if you want darshan of Bhagavati, Bhairava, or the deity you worship, you cannot remain bound only to kriya or mala. When you go beyond those forms, you advance on the path of bhakti, and the deity’s gaze falls on you.
I have also accepted this: if I sit for sadhana and do not feel bhakti, I rise and leave. As you advance, there may be days when you do not feel like doing puja. Sometimes you can feel that the deity is moving with you. Mantra is vibration; when the body’s capacity is filled with its power, there may be no need to continue japa for a while.
Swami Vivekananda, at thirty-four, told his brother he would die within six years because the body could not hold that consciousness. He later suffered many illnesses. So it is natural that you may not always want to meditate or do japa. Sometimes I feel a slight headache after mantra and take it as a signal to stop. In my understanding, energy can accumulate through japa. Use it in service, prayer, or puja for someone; do not only accumulate it.
Whatever work you are planning, leave it to your deity. Sadhana brings spiritual progress, while material needs should be placed in the deity’s care. We see our lives only as far as we have seen them; the deities see more. If you ask for one thing when your fate holds much more, you may remain fixed on that one thing. Do not do sadhana for material gain. If the deities involve you in a task, success or failure is their work. There is no failure unless it is a lesson.
From childhood worship to the path of Bhairava
Host: How did the Devi enter your life?
Sadhaka: My grandfather recited the Durga Saptashati at home. I helped by lighting incense and watching the lamp. What he recited became memorised, and I formed a deep connection with Bhagavati. My first diksha in the tantric path was Tara. I asked my guru why. He said Tara is the Mother. When Mahadev held the poison from the churning of the ocean, Tara came as his mother and suckled him; the milk soothed the burning. In the tantric path, it is said that if you do Tara sadhana, Mahadev himself comes running.
I began Tara sadhana in 2013. During a time of scarcity, I was focused on Tara and had set aside Durga sadhana. In Rajasthan, a Nath sadhaka told me to practise Bhairava sadhana, because Maya leads sadhakas astray and Mahadev controls that. Later, I met Veernath ji, direct disciple of Dr Ramanath Aghori. I could not ask him for the Bhairava mantra. As I was leaving, he asked, “Can you handle Bhairava?” I said yes. A Bhairava temple was then built in Ranchi, Bhagavati was installed, and Durga puja began there with full tantric vidhi for nine days.
Puja, bali, and the shastra
Host: How does a person know the correct method of puja?
Sadhaka: Puja is done by Agamic and Nigamic methods. Read tantric books under a guru’s supervision. For Vedic puja, call a pandit; you are the yajaman.
What people commonly do at home is tantric puja: lamp, incense, naivedya, chandan, and flowers. This is pancha puja. The Vedic method involves havan. A vigraha is a yantra; when you keep it and utter mantra, you are following tantra.
Shakti worship can be ugra, fierce. On bali, we should look to shastra, not opinion. Kapalpatru ji Maharaj spoke of wet havan, where bali is offered and the meat used in the havan for the Sun, and dry havan, using havan materials. In the tantric path, the pancha makara prevails. What matters is what dharma says.
Thoughts, protection, and the sadhaka’s inner work
Host: Does food affect the energy gathered in sadhana?
Sadhaka: Deities have different rules; it is not that every mantra has different rules. As you follow your ishta, your nature changes. Do not force the body or mind; what you suppress returns. Let dharma flow. If a deity’s grace leads you to change your habits, it will happen in its own time.
Anything you give excessive importance can distract you. If thoughts change because of what you eat, your thoughts are weak. Doubt and self-doubt make you vulnerable. Sanatana Dharma includes rules beyond what humans can understand. The Mahabharata we read is only a portion of what is available to the deities. The Vedas show a path by which humans may become divine. Time is fixed and we change stations; the same story may unfold again, perhaps with another soul.
A sadhaka’s thoughts manifest quickly, so gurus say: speak less, think less negatively about yourself. Sadhana creates a kavacha. But a sadhaka must guard more against attacks within than without. My guru asked why I wore protective objects. He said a sadhaka’s kavacha is this: wherever a sadhaka sits, no negative energy should remain. If you need protection for yourself, how will you protect others? Trust your guru and ishta; no separate mantra or vidhi is needed.
Kali’s purpose is to lead you toward Mahadev, so that living beings understand their purpose. When my Kali sadhana began, I first felt that the mantra was awakening. At a yajna, the fire would not burn. I remembered my guru’s instruction: when you have nothing, lift earth and make the offering, for everything is the deity’s creation. I offered ash from the chita three times, and it blazed. Then I felt Bhagavati was with me. My path continued through Tara, Bhairava, Chhinnamasta, Bagalamukhi, Bhairavi, and diksha from the Shankaracharya of Puri; the remaining Mahavidyas followed through Shri Vidya. The sequence is still running.
Mantra and stotra
Host: What should a person do with a mantra they do not know?
Sadhaka: A mantra should come through guru parampara, and the guru must have received the right to give it. Without that entitlement, a mantra may be only like a poem; harm may come, or nothing may happen. Stotras are praises. You can recite them, and bhakti grows. The Durga Saptashati contains a praise of the Goddess through thirty-two names; a Devi upasaka may recite it.
A stotra is praise: “Bhagavati, you are like this.” A mantra is a vibration given by rishis and munis for spiritual advancement when practised correctly. If not practised correctly, it can unbalance you energetically and mentally.
The ten Mahavidyas describe a sadhaka’s timeline: the rise, the breaking, the return, and the ripening of knowledge. Garuda Yoga gives that journey its shape. Mantras belong to entitled transmission; stotras are offered through devotion. My own sequence is still unfolding.
